Thursday, 14 July 2016

3 A.M

“When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for those two insomnias!
And the difference between them.”
~ Rumi ~

I went to bed at 10 p.m, tried to sleep early as I planned to go for my routine morning run the next day before going to work. I looked at my phone, no messages from you, should I send you a good night message ? I was sad, something was going on with you, I could feel it, but you are hiding it away from me. I put the phone away, probably the first time ever I didn't send you the usual good night message ever since we have been together, but you told me earlier that you needed some time to be alone, so I didn't want to disturb you.

Few minutes later, the notification beep sounded, but I ignored, assuming it wouldn't be from you, and I continued to close my eyes, hoping I would fall asleep.

But I couldn't, too many thoughts running in my mind, are you okay there ? My heart was screaming, but I remained quiet and didn't message you, and you would never know how much I was worried about you, it was becoming tiring, it was draining me, I know you need space, but I was afraid that you're slowly losing your sanity with all the things you had been going through lately, and I wanted to be there for you, to comfort you, to let you know that you should't go through it all by yourself.

Share with me your burden my love, how long are you going to carry it all by yourself ? There's a reason why you came into my life, and there's a reason why I came into your life, we can survive this storm together, so please, unleash the heaviness in your heart to me, and let my love ease the burden in your soul.

Time passed, and I couldn't sleep. It's true, I even told Athena about it, whenever you fell sick, whenever you're not in a good state of mind, it affects me, and somehow I know something isn't right with you despite your white lies, lies you tell so that I won't worry about you, for you constantly think that you have to keep everything to yourself, and you must not burden me with your problems. You always thought that you must be independent no matter what, but is it wrong if you share your problems with me, when we happily share the good times together ?

What is the point if we embrace the sunny days together, if we are reluctant to go through the dark times together ?

Bunny, I gave you my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul, you're part of me, won't you let me carry your burden and ease the pain you are going through ?

I love you, don't push me away and make me feel useless.

It was almost 3 a.m, I wondered why I couldn't sleep, I looked at my phone, then asked myself, pondering if you're asleep, or maybe you are still awake, maybe my heart is restless knowing you're not okay there. I know something isn't right, and I know your emotions are affecting me, sometimes being an empath isn't easy, but it can be a blessing, for my heart would let me know how your heart is, and no matter how hard you try to hide your frustrations away from me, I will know somehow. 

I finally decided to check on you.

I reached for my phone when the notification started to beep.

I never expected it, but I finally knew that I was right.

"sorry...i don't wish to hurt you, sorry i hide away things from you"

My love, don't apologize, you don't need to, you're just a human, and I understand what you're going through.

I will always be there by your side Bunny.

I will always be there for you my love.

Forehead kisses, a simple way to tell you that you're not alone, and you don't need to worry, for you are truly loved, and I would never leave you.

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