Sunday, 8 July 2018


it was surreal, i wasn't expecting it, to get a glimpse, but i am happy, as the signs were good...

He looked at me, and i looked at him, confused, i wasn't aware of the stranger who was smiling at me, and holding my hand, but it took me a while to realise who he was.

Handsome as always, but with a more matured look, there were noticeable fine lines, but those beautiful eyes, and his lovely smile, perhaps he's 40 plus.

"You're getting this for whom sir ?", the lady at the stall asked me while she was making the keychain. 

"It's for my guy," i smiled while looking at him.

The lady gave a big smile.

"I'm his husband," Bee told happily.

Wait, are we married ? Is he no longer in the closet ? What happened to his parents ?

First of all, where is this place, certainly doesn't look like....

Have we migrated ? Is this our honeymoon ?

The reflection of myself in the mirror hanging on the stall surprised me, I look so different.

"Bear bear okay ?," Bee asked.

I looked at a device on his hand that looks like a mobile phone, is it our picture on his phone ? I looked at mine, and certainly it was his picture as a wallpaper.

I looked at our surrounding, everything looks different.

So many questions on my mind.

But he looked happy, that's the most important of answers.

"You're lovely, and will always be, Bee"

Sunday, 10 June 2018


Bee : Who is Bear Bear ?
Me : Bear Bear is Bee Bee's hubby
Bee : *cute giggles* 
Me : *kiss kiss*
Bee : Who is Bee Bee ?
Me : Bee Bee is Bear Bear's hubby
Bee : *cute giggles* *blush*
Me : *hug tightly* *more kisses*

~ while relaxing on the sofa together ~

Friday, 18 May 2018


If you ever wonder how much you mean to me,
words aren't enough to describe it,
but if you observe closely,
on everything I do for you,
from the tiniest of details you might have missed,
to the little things that carry an infinite amount of love,
when you observe them closely,
then you would realise,
how much you mean to me...

how I wake up few times at night,
just to make sure that the blanket is covering you,
how I would sometimes gaze at you while you're asleep,
and kiss you gently without waking you up,

how I carry you in my heart,
whenever I go to the monasteries to pray,
or to the places we had been to together,
even when you're not beside me, 
you're there in my heart,
in my soul,
the warm beautiful memories,

how I observe you silently,
even when you're not aware,
how you look at something,
your expressions,
the smile,
the way your eyes move,
behind those thick glasses,
how you laugh,
many more,

how I think of you every moment,
when you're at work,
when you're back at your parents place,
how I smile at the empty seat beside me while I drive,
remembering how you would hold your favourite plushie,
how I smile at the empty side of the bed on weekends,
remembering what we did,
knowing you would be back the next day,

how you satisfy me in my dreams,
when we never made love for some time,
and even when there's an urge,
I would only dream of you,
even in my wet dreams,
it is only you,
if you even wonder why I never check on other guys,
nor stopped watching porn since you stole my innocence,
it's simple,
there's only you,
in my heart and soul,

if you ever wonder,
just observe,
and your heart will tell you,
that you're my irreplaceable treasure,
and you will always be

you're my heart,
you're the meaning of my life,
you're the smile on my face,
you're the love within my soul,
you're my strength,
you're my everything 

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

The Test

Bee went back to his parents home early for Chinese New Year, and since his birthday fell on the second day of CNY,  I have decided to surprise him and celebrate when he comes back home, besides, we have already spend the Valentine's day together, so I was rather happy that Bee could spend time with his parents for his birthday this year. 

Like the years before, I was fasting on Bee's birthday to seek blessings from Goddess Guan Yin, as I had taken an oath and promised Her that I would fast on his birthdays till I am around in this world, and I believe She would bless him with good health and strengthen our relationship by partaking in such sadhana. 

But somehow, this year, being the third time I was fasting for him, I had encountered a series of "test", something I wasn't prepared for, but somehow I managed to pass it. 

The night before the fast, I did the usual thing I would do before partaking in a sadhana the next day, drank plenty of plain water, ate fruits, and since it was the first day of CNY, I have decided to be on a vegetarian diet. As I prepared to sleep early that night, I noticed there was a slight pain under the right foot, and I assumed it was probably a foot ache caused by the heavy squat I did at the gym few days earlier, and it would go away the next day.

But I was very much wrong. 

The next day, I woke up with a severe pain under the right foot, and I could barely walk or even stand up, I was just there lying on the bed wondering what happened, and how am I going to fast on that day with such pain. It must have been an injury due to bad form while doing squats. 

I was rather sad, of all the days, why should it be on Bee's birthday, but I was determined. I remembered there were few tablets of diclofenac in the kitchen, and I know they can be taken on empty stomach, but I didn't as I was afraid of getting gastric, and planned to take it at night later after breaking fast. 

First thing first, at 8am, I tried to get up, but the pain was immense, somehow I managed to drag myself into the bathroom for shower, and later "crawled" slowly towards the altar in the living room to pray. 

I stayed on the bed for the rest of the day, but didn't sleep, couldn't as the pain was bothering, but I was lucky that the pain didn't get any worse, nor there weren't any signs of swelling on the foot. Bee was messaging me but never told him what happened as I didn't want him to worry about me. 

It was already 7pm, dragged myself into the bathroom for another round of quick shower, then slowly walked to the altar and offered prayers. Made my way to the kitchen, it really felt like an eternity walking with such painful condition, or I would say crawling slowly while being supported by the walls. Thinking about it, I was feeling grateful that I wasn't being born with any disabilities, and that the pain is after all, temporary. 

Break fast at 8pm with few grapes, and ate bread, then slowly crawled back to the living room sofa, sat there for a while and recited few Buddhist sutras. The pain began to subside slowly, and I went to bed early that night. 

Glad I managed to fast despite the painful condition, perhaps it was a test from above, but everything happens for a reason, and I'm grateful that the pain reminded me of how lucky I'm compared to those who suffer from diseases in this world, plus, the fasting itself is a reminder that I have someone special in my life, a blessing I'm thankful for to the heavenly beings.

Namo Amitabha  

Tuesday, 28 November 2017


Those who are close with me know well that I love to collect cherub statues, definitely nobody would deny how cute they look, it's kinda nice to have them around home.  

But, there's a reason why I began to collect baby angel statues in my late teenage days.

I believe in angels, because I have many angels in my life, and I have experienced them in many forms throughout my life, of course, in the form of humans. 

There's a cupid in my life, a cute cupid that stole my heart, completed my life, and became my other half whom made my life even more beautiful and healed me with his unconditional love.

Then there are few other wingless angels that came into my life, made me understand about the true meaning of friendship, and became best friends for life.

And some, in the times of hardship, took over my late mother's place in my life, and became my fairy godmothers.

I know many angels, and I am truly thankful to have them in my life  : )

Friday, 10 November 2017

Lovely Peach

Had been planning to get few sexy underwears for Bee, but I never had any idea of a shop that sells them in KL, because most of my rainbow friends told me that they only get sexy type of undies online or overseas. Somehow one day while browsing the net, I managed to locate one shop in Damansara that sells the sexy stuffs. What really surprised me was the location of the shop at a shopping mall that me and Bee frequently visit. Never knew there's a sexy underwear shop there.

So without Bee's knowledge, quietly went to this place since I wanted to surprise him, greeted by the shop owner who's obviously a rainbow, funny part, while going through the sexy undies there, the fella kept asking me if I'm sure of getting a size XS, instead of S, and I went like "I know the size very well because he's my guy". The shop owner just giggled, haha !!

Finally bought one jockstrap, and another mesh type brief ( basically a thin net covering Bee's round juicy butt, yummy !! ).  The price was reasonable although both were imported stuff from Aussie, plus the material was really good, so it's worth the purchase, plus there were other normal undies for sale with discounts as well.

 Waited for Bee to come back home from work, and surprised him. He loved them, and quickly wore them to show me. MY GOSH, that mesh type brief seriously made Bee even sexier, and his juicy ass covered with that net really made me go  :p ~~~~~~~  *drool*

Bee told me the jockstrap is really comfortable, and I noticed that as well, the elastic band section that's supposed to hold his cute peach wasn't tight, but just nice enough to wrap it gently. There's one thing which wasn't spacey enough for him, the front pouch was a bit tight for his huge rod, so I guess I would get a size S for him next time.

Overall, I was happy, Bee looked lovely in both sexy underwears, and most importantly, his lovely peach deserves them  <3

Can't wait to get more sexy stuffs for him, hehehe.

Thursday, 9 November 2017


Bee has been very wild lately.

He injured my banana two weeks ago before he went on a company trip overseas.

It wasn't serious, but kinda hurts whenever I tried to pull back my foreskin.

Since then, I have decided to be a "monk" for two weeks, of course, refraining from making love to him, not DIY ( i can't remember when was the last time i "TFK" ) BUT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE !! Don't blame me lah, my guy seriously makes me horny, it's highly impossible to be a "monk" for two weeks.

Somehow Vaseline gel helped to heal the injured part quickly, but I noticed that my banana's foreskin has become tight, and I don't feel comfortable whenever I pull it back to poke Bee's butt, it's been really annoying.

Afraid to go and see the doctor.

I mean, what if the doctor ask me to cut my banana ?

I don't want to end up doing that procedure

Hmmm, or perhaps I should opt for a partial circumcision ?