Happy 1st

time flies...

can't believe it's already a year, I mean, it was just like yesterday.

It was just like yesterday, I remember it clearly, from the time you came out of your company, to the time you left the car and waved your hands at me before I left, I remember even the conversation we had that day...

and I can't believe it's been a year, a year since I saw you for the first time.

You know, I was kinda scared and nervous when I saw you walking towards the car, you were wearing black pants with light blue shirt, and you look seriously handsome, and honestly you look very much younger than your age, and that smile, how will I ever forget that heart melting smile of yours, you kept smiling the whole time.

You entered the car and the first question you asked was "Is this Norah Jones ?", and I told you that it was Dido, then you giggled, very cute, and we started to talk and begin to discuss on where to have our lunch since you had to go back to that company early.

And I was very much excited and blur at the same time because that area kinda looked industrial and pretty boring, but luckily you suggested the nearby 7 Eleven.

Then we had our "first" lunch together, you have no idea how nervous I was, but at the same time I was simply happy to see you smiling, and realized you were very much excited to see me that day.

The sandwich and the hot dog you bought along with the canned coffee, which I told isn't good for your health, haha, then we talked and talked.

I touched your hands for the first time, and we continued talking about crazy things.

And you were super happy about the kaya puffs I bought for you, oh yes, now I wonder what happened to my favourite copy of Paulo Coelho's Alchemist which I gave you that day. Gosh, it is still so clear on my mind, it was just like yesterday.

When you left the car and walked towards the company, you waved your hand.

Bee, seriously, you have no idea how lovely you look.

It was the day you captured my heart completely.

Happy anniversary my love.

Love you always....

My Poetry

Everyone on the highway would have enjoyed a beautiful sunset that evening, but I didn't. I looked at you from time to time while driving. Sorry Bee, I know I have to concentrate on driving, but I just couldn't resist the beauty I was looking at beside me. You wouldn't have noticed, you were looking on the side, and you were tired after a day of travelling together, yet, did you know how lovely your brown eyes looked when the dusk's ray fell upon it ? It was so beautiful, that I don't think words could describe it, and I took a quick look on you from time to time, trying to remember that moment, trying to treasure that moment inside my heart.

No Bee, please don't say I'm being cheesy, you wouldn't understand, I'm just like that, I don't really take time to say things to you, whenever I say things like "you look lovely when you give that bunny smile" or "you look really adorable in yellow shirt", I don't say it to simply sweet talk, but those are honest words that come from my heart. 

Sometimes, when we are together, there are a lot of things you do that I really adore, sometimes I wish I could express it to you in words, but at times, you tend to become shy, and you would stop talking to me, or even when we message, when I try to put those beautiful moments into words, you would start to ignore me by sending multiple stickers, and so, I try not to say it, but rather keep them inside me.

But believe me, you're indeed my poetry. Have you ever wondered why do I simply gaze at you while smiling, without saying any words ? Or have you ever noticed how I simply turn to look at you while we are inside the car at traffic stops ? Or would you know why I never slept when we cuddle on the bed, even when you fall asleep ? I always observe you quietly, and everything that you do, creates poetry in my mind. Every moment spent with you is precious, and each of those moments are cherished deep within my heart.

The way you eat those kaya puffs, do you know how cute you look when you enjoy every bit of those puffs, or the movement of your lips, or do you know how your eyes move when you enjoy the food you are eating ? Or the special way you drink from a cup, it's hard to explain by words Bee, but everything that you do, turns into beautiful memories, and makes me adore you in many ways.

The way you move your feet on the beach, which showed how happy you were. The way you pull my hands around you when we cuddle. The way you kiss me. How lovely your smooth skin feels after you shower, or that coolness that comes when I hug you from the back after you come out from the shower, and the warmth of your body that follows, or how you giggle when my beard tickles your neck.

Even when we cuddle, if you fall asleep, I would gently take your hand, feel the smoothness of your hands, sometimes I place your hands on my face, then I would kiss your fingers, sometimes I would gently stroke your eye brows, then I would stare at your lovely lips.

Do you know how I smile the moment my eyes see you from far as you walk towards me whenever I pick you up ? No matter how bad the day was, I will forget about everything, and instantly there would be a smile on my face, why ? Because it's you.

Do you know how excited I get, whenever we are going to spend time together, that I could barely sleep the night before we are about to be together ? Yes, I know love, you might say I'm crazy, and I know it's going to be a year, but don't forget, you're special, and you're my everything, so no matter how long we are together, even if we stay together in the future, I would be looking forward to wake up beside you the next morning, just to kiss you good morning.

Do you know how lovely you look when you wake up with those sleepy eyes looking at me ?

You're my poetry, you gave me a lot of beautiful memories, and filled my heart with love.

Thank you for everything Bee.

xoxo,

bear bear.

Kopi & Susu

Kopi & Susu,

me and you,

you and me,

let's do this together,

life can be challenging,
there are ups and downs,
sometimes it can be frustrating,
but end of the day,
you know it's worth fighting for,
and you know I'm always with you,
no matter what happens,

you'll never be alone...

If you ever feel like giving up,
look how far you've come,
and always remember,
that you're strong,
you're special,
and,
you're important...
Life can be challenging,
but let's look at the bright side,

let's make more beautiful memories together,

and live every moment of this life to the fullest,

let's do this together,
and be there for each other,

you and me,

me and you,

kopi & susu...

xoxo,

bear bear

3 A.M

“When I am with you, we stay up all night.

When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.

Praise God for those two insomnias!

And the difference between them.”

~ Rumi ~

I went to bed at 10 p.m, tried to sleep early as I planned to go for my routine morning run the next day before going to work. I looked at my phone, no messages from you, should I send you a good night message ? I was sad, something was going on with you, I could feel it, but you are hiding it away from me. I put the phone away, probably the first time ever I didn't send you the usual good night message ever since we have been together, but you told me earlier that you needed some time to be alone, so I didn't want to disturb you.

Few minutes later, the notification beep sounded, but I ignored, assuming it wouldn't be from you, and I continued to close my eyes, hoping I would fall asleep.

But I couldn't, too many thoughts running in my mind, are you okay there ? My heart was screaming, but I remained quiet and didn't message you, and you would never know how much I was worried about you, it was becoming tiring, it was draining me, I know you need space, but I was afraid that you're slowly losing your sanity with all the things you had been going through lately, and I wanted to be there for you, to comfort you, to let you know that you should't go through it all by yourself.

Share with me your burden my love, how long are you going to carry it all by yourself ? There's a reason why you came into my life, and there's a reason why I came into your life, we can survive this storm together, so please, unleash the heaviness in your heart to me, and let my love ease the burden in your soul.

Time passed, and I couldn't sleep. It's true, I even told Athena about it, whenever you fell sick, whenever you're not in a good state of mind, it affects me, and somehow I know something isn't right with you despite your white lies, lies you tell so that I won't worry about you, for you constantly think that you have to keep everything to yourself, and you must not burden me with your problems. You always thought that you must be independent no matter what, but is it wrong if you share your problems with me, when we happily share the good times together ?

What is the point if we embrace the sunny days together, if we are reluctant to go through the dark times together ?

Bunny, I gave you my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul, you're part of me, won't you let me carry your burden and ease the pain you are going through ?

I love you, don't push me away and make me feel useless.

It was almost 3 a.m, I wondered why I couldn't sleep, I looked at my phone, then asked myself, pondering if you're asleep, or maybe you are still awake, maybe my heart is restless knowing you're not okay there. I know something isn't right, and I know your emotions are affecting me, sometimes being an empath isn't easy, but it can be a blessing, for my heart would let me know how your heart is, and no matter how hard you try to hide your frustrations away from me, I will know somehow. 

I finally decided to check on you.

I reached for my phone when the notification started to beep.

I never expected it, but I finally knew that I was right.

"sorry...i don't wish to hurt you, sorry i hide away things from you"

My love, don't apologize, you don't need to, you're just a human, and I understand what you're going through.

I will always be there by your side Bunny.

I will always be there for you my love.

Forehead kisses, a simple way to tell you that you're not alone, and you don't need to worry, for you are truly loved, and I would never leave you.

Thank You

I came out of the office during tea break to check on you, something which I usually do on working days during break time, just to look at my phone and check if you had posted any updates, or to simply send you a message or a sticker just to kacau you, and go through the selfies you had sent to me.

It's a ritual which I never fail to do, something I would say as my "me time" at office, to simply sit down alone, to just look at your pictures in my phone for few minutes, remembering our moments together, a ritual to break the daily stress at office.

Well, no matter how dull my day is, looking at your smile always lightens me up.

But I wasn't expecting anything from you that day, as I know you're busy with work.

Then the notification appeared after I switched on my phone.

"Baby Bunny sent a photo".

I looked and pondered what it could be.

Maybe a selfie ? Or perhaps the picture of the lunch you had.

With excitement in my heart, I quickly opened the message thread.

And I looked at the picture, just kept looking at it with a smile.

You always know how to touch my heart deeply.

I never expected you to send me this picture, but it really means a lot to me.

Means a lot, because it shows you're happy with the little things I do, or small efforts I put to see you smile.

Thank you Bunny, 

for filling my heart with love and happiness....

You

I still remember that beautiful smile of yours the first time I saw you, how lovely you looked with that blue shirt and black pants, I still remember how your hands felt the first time I touched them.

I still remember everything.

Slowly, I began to understand you, the more I understood, the deeper I felt that you're part of me, a long lost puzzle that I had been waiting for a very long time. I knew at that moment that I should never give up on you.

You were scared, but I never gave up, because I know you're precious.

Days passed by quickly, looking back, I've realized that day by day, I'm loving you more and more.

Day by day, you fill my heart with warmth and care, you fill my soul with love, slowly, you've healed all my scars within, and I have forgotten about my bitter past.

Every morning, I wake up with a smile, knowing you're there for me, thanking God for bringing you into my life, every night, I go to bed, thanking for another day, for the memories made together.

I'm so proud of you, knowing how beautiful you're inside and out, that kind heart that I adore and love, I feel so lucky, knowing there won't be anyone more perfect than you, I feel blessed, knowing I've found my true love.

I smile when my colleagues tell me how cute and handsome you're, I smile when my gay friends say that you're hot, and that they're jealous of me because I'm your guy, that at times, I ponder what I had done to deserve you in my life, you made my life so beautiful, you've completed me.

To my lovely, cute and handsome Ah Beng,

I know you're not good at expressing your feelings, and although you're not good at it, but you always made me feel special, the way you treat me, how you care about me, those little things you do, things you say, I know you love me truly baby, but what you told me when we cuddled yesterday, those words, I never expected them, and I will never forget them, you've touched me so deeply.

Thank you for everything my love.

Bear bear will love you always.