why do you still love me ?

 why do you still love me ?

i got nothing, i am not attractive, i am not smart, i am flawed, i got nobody

so why ?

i was coughing in our bedroom that night, you went to the kitchen and bought me water

sometimes i wonder,

why do you still love me,

why do you love this flabby fat bear so much ?

My Valentine

 It was Valentine's day morning, woke up, and did the usual which I have been doing since we started to live together, go towards Bee, wrap my arms around him, pull him closer, give kisses, and whisper "I love you" few times near his cute ear, then enjoy the warmth of his body for few minutes before waking up to shower.

The day started, Bee was preparing to shower before we go out together for breakfast, then going to his office, I was praying, then decided to change into new clothes. I knew Bee was inside our wardrobe room getting his clothes, then I slowly entered only to see Bee quietly doing something on the floor, with a pen on his hand, he was startled, as if didn't expect me to open the door, and he innocently tried to hide something from me. This moment will always be fresh in my mind, like how he was startled, with a pen on his hand, on the floor doing something, it was cute, just cute, to me, because that's how much I love him. Then I closed the door and waited in the living area of our new home, yes, we moved to a new house last month, some of you may already know as you're following me on Instagram. 

Sat in the living room looking outside the balcony, trying to figure out what Bee was doing, then I heard the door being closed, I knew Bee was inside the bathroom already. Got up and went into our wardrobe room to change clothes. As I opened the wardrobe, I saw a box hanging between two hangers inside, beside my shirts, with a cute note. I smiled.

True love is indeed a blessing

Our furkids, Boba and Kopi in our new bedroom, pondering why we are suddenly living up on a very tall place now , luckily they adapted to our new home very fast 

and my heart turned 30 a few days after Valentine's day :)

wishing all readers a belated happy Valentine's day, 

may there be many more lovely moments for us to remember and cherish in our lives <3

Another Year Older & Happy 6th

 Honestly, I can't remember how old I am, nope, ain't kidding, plus I don't really like 26th of August anyway, so was it 34, 35, 36 ? Wo pu che tau, but I do know that I turned a year older, cute Bee surprised his beary hubby with an ice cream cake and a gift, plus since it was still MCO back in August, we can't really dine out, just ordered pizza ( i love peeeeshaaaa ) for dinner, and like always my bestie, Miss Hemz Butterfly surprised me with a bouquet and macaroons  :)

kek ais krim <3

Miss Butterfly's bouquet <3

Boba investigating the bouquet ;p

And we "celebrated" our 6th anniversary

6 years, time flies, felt like it was just yesterday I took my cute ah beng hubby for lunch at that 7 Eleven, still in love with this baby monyet, and will always do, there's no place for anyone else in my heart, and I will always love his fluffy butt <3 ;p

no idea why Bee wanted to do that heart shape thing when I took this photo  XD

Happy 5th & 2021

 Gosh, haven't updated the blog for so long, hope everyone is okay, hope everyone had a good Chinese New Year, let's hope the year of the ox would bring in better times, the rat year was rather chaotic, with the pandemic, and no thanks to the political situation.

So last September was our 5th anniversary, how's things with us ? I guess those who follow my updates on Instagram knows things are good with us, but somehow I guess the age difference does cause some small issues, which is totally okay with me, Bee being workaholic, at times, I believe he's just too young to understand what to prioritize in life, and he throws tantrum at times, plus loves to "fly" his phone for no apparent reason, I guess things would change once he gets older, hopefully, and there are some who assume that we are actually in an open relationship ( what the flying fuck ?!! ), nope, nope, nope, we love each other, and there's no way I would be going after another guy, or another ass for that matter, plus it's kinda annoying that some also assumed that my bestie is my fuck buddy ( double facepalm ), despite being in a small circle of gay friends, the drama is always there. Anyway, back to our relationship, my bestie Athena always poke fun at me, saying me and Bee rarely fight, and I guess nothing wrong in having less arguments etc, especially when there's understanding and love, plus trust, oh, I finally added some of our neighbours on Facebook, and I guess they already knew there's a gay couple living around as their neighbour, haha, but the only extraordinary thing is that, it's one cinapek in a relationship with an apunene  ;p

so on our anniversary, took Bee to my favourite beach to meet his "friends" the monkeys !!

anniversary dinner at our favourite cafe in PJ, 123 Gasing  <3

celebrating mooncake festival at our home  :)

The one and only ass I am in love with  <3 ( so we are happy to be in a monogamous relationship, some idiots should not assume that all gay guys are the same 

Our furkids, three cats to be precise, they give us plenty of entertainment during MCO, hahaha

Mimi, innocent face, tapi setan no 1, haha

Kopi the crazy and clingy tonkinese cat

and Boba the cow

MCO

just realised that I didn't update this blog for months !! XD

anyway, it's MCO now, hope everyone out there are safe, cuci tangan selalu, always wear mask, and please don't rayau around unnecessarily :p

I feel like MCO is kinda normal here in our place and neighborhood, we don't have roadblocks here, but people are taking precautions like social distancing etc, but still got few sohai driving around with entire family, and some got no brain to keep a distance at hypermarket. 

First week of MCO was kinda crazy tho, hard to get eggs, bread, and even baked beans and mayonnaise, dumb humans just hoard stuff like it's doomsday soon, after that eventually hypermarket shelves were back to normal

I kinda miss going to the temples to pray, and I definitely miss gym

otherwise ok lah, don't really feel that much difference during MCO

Bee didn't go back to his parents place, but instead wanted to be with me 

so what me n Bee have been doing during MCO :

~ i usually tabao lunch for us, sometimes i cook breakfast/ dinner for us as well

~ the usual house chores

~ playing with our cats

~ watching old TVB dramas at night together

the rest i let you guys to imagine lah  :D

Bee's juicy bao !! <3

squeeze squeeze <3

Happy 4th

This post was supposed to be last month, yes, our 4th anniversary was more than a month back, but somehow I was just too busy with many things, there was barely time for me to simply sit down in front of the laptop to update this blog, just busy living life, just busy enjoying being alive, as in living every moment of life, creating memories together with Bee,  plus we have officially become a parent to two furkids, adopted two kittens from the local animal shelter, so yeah, besides me checking on the stock market and doing other things, we have a new responsibility of taking care and loving two kittens at our home, so life is even more exciting for both of us now :)

It has been 4 years plus, can't believe how time flies, it was just like yesterday we had lunch together at that 7 Eleven nearby Bee's first workplace, and after 4 years of going through so many phases through life, the happy moments, the sad ones, the hardships, it still feels like just yesterday I fell in love with my ah beng, it's kinda hard for me to explain, let's just say that I love him more and more as time passes by, I fall in love with him every single day as a new day rises and the night follows where we cuddle to sleep. 

But, was this relationship perfect ? Nope, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, believe me folks, yes, we are happy, we are in love with each other, but were we smiling all the time without any issues ? I don't think so, see, like I have said many times, relationships aren't fairytales, you can't expect it to be perfect, and you should never expect your other half or yourselves to be perfect, why ? Because end of the day, we are all human beings, nobody in this planet is perfect, each and every one of us would definitely have some flaws here and there. So, many of our single friends often ask me why both of us are so happy, some of them even say that they're jealous of us both, especially with all the things I share on Instagram, but the thing is, there were times we had little fights, there were times we were angry with each other, there were times we didn't talk to each other for a day or two, but end of the day, we never gave up on each other.

Yes, we do fight, sometimes I become mad at him, sometimes Bee becomes mad at me, but the thing is, we didn't fight like super crazy lah, like how some couples simply fight for no reason, and one more thing, we never had misused the word "breakup" simply before, never ever. Being angry is one thing, being irrational is another thing. I can't really understand why some couples, whenever they fight for the smallest of issues, suddenly say they want to breakup, like, are you people aware that when you use that word, you're literally becoming toxic to your other half and emotionally blackmailing them ? Get mad at each other, that's totally fine, be quiet for a day or two, that is also okay, but never resort to emotional blackmailing, especially when you know that your other half truly loves you. 

Relationships aren't easy, but it's worth it. We need to be understanding, we need to have patience, we need to have empathy, and most importantly, a happy relationship requires both parties to work together to build a solid foundation with love and trust, if it is one sided, then it would be a tough road ahead. Lately, I have come to know that few of the couples within our circle broke up after being together for few years, and it saddened me very much, as I really love to see two souls being together in love. But after giving a thought on that, I have realised that majority of break ups are caused by expectations. Expectations, yes, they can cause heartache, but when we have an expectation on a person, we should understand one thing, they are not us, like I said before, everyone on this planet is different, nobody's the same, if you want a guy who's just like you, then you love yourself and stay single forever, senang cerita, the problem is, many of us create unnecessary expectations on our other half, assuming they're like us, assuming they think like us, and literally believing that they can read our mind. I hate to break this but, sometimes, expectations on others can not only cause a heartache on yourself, but it can also be a burden on those you love, relationship is built on unconditional love and care, so when you have expectation on how a person should treat you, believe me, you will not be treated genuinely, the person would probably feel stressed knowing you have a lot of expectations on them, and end of the day, both of you won't be happy.

When it comes to unconditional love in a relationship, even sex should be unconditional, I don't know why but many of our friends think that we have sex almost every single night, the truth is, intimacy can be in many forms, it's not always about sex, yes, sex is important, but there are also other aspects in a relationship that makes the bond stronger besides physical intimacy. Many of our friends complained to me, they said that their boyfriends don't have sex with them often, so they assume their boyfriends are cheating on them, why ? Just recently, a friend of mine told me that he suspects his boyfriend is cheating on him, the reason given, no sex for two weeks, just two weeks and this fella already came up with a story in his mind that his boyfriend is cheating on him, I was just laughing, I mean, two weeks ? I even had a friend who complained to me that his guy doesn't want to have sex with him for more than a year, and he was seeking my advice on how to resolve the bedroom issue. At times, I believe most of us never really reflect on a situation properly. First, our bf/other half/partner, they're human, they think differently, they would even have different views on what love/ sex is, sometimes they can even be tired, sometimes they won't even be in the mood, so, would it be good for us to simply accuse them without being understanding ?

I even came across few of our friends who told me that they're no longer in a monogamous relationship because their other half wants to be in an open relationship. This thing is rather complex, at times I would just keep quite and just listen to what my friends have to say without giving them any advice. I mean, why do some people want to be in a relationship, if they can't be loyal to one person ? Might as well be single kan ?  Why do some people want to drag along others into the shit they create ? Ask yourself this question, if you people are into open relationship, first of all, are you people okay if your other half treats your exactly the same like how you people treat them ? The funny thing is, most of the people I had come across, they don't mind cheating on their other half, but they want their other half to be loyal to them, like what the flying F ? Bodoh ke apa ? Before you people do something to others, remember to ask yourself first, how would you feel if you were treated the same ? Open relationship it seems, kalau gatal sangat, please stay single and don't stress other people with your shitty self.

A happy relationship requires a lot of work, it's not easy, but it's worth it, especially when you have that special someone in your life to age gracefully together, to support each other, and to make beautiful memories together. 

Happy 4th anniversary Bee, love you always <3

Kopi <3 Susu

tried to upload something notti for the first time, see if the video works or not, haha !! XD

Mid Autumn

Another blessed mid autumn festival, we light up lanterns and candles together in front of our home, managed to get our neighbour's attention ( it's obvious we are a couple, but I think our neighbours are still trying to figure out how this kopi and susu got together, haha ). We also had mooncakes for breakfast. More beautiful memories to remember  :)

Wishing all the readers out there, happy mid autumn festival, 祝大家 中秋节 快乐 <3